As of May 9, 2009 I became a graduate of Bennett College in Greensboro, NC. I had plans dreams and goals, I wanted certain things to fall in order and happen. I should be preparing for graduate school; however I am not attending "Graduate School" in the Fall. ( I will eventually get my Masters, just not in the Fall.) I am deeply hurt, and perturbed by these events. A Master's degree does not make a person! I know this!!! I am currently interning for a company who has played me money wise; I learned a lot and I will not allow anyone to BS me.. .I may be young but I am an adult. Needless to say my last day with the company is tomorrow. At this point I dodge the question when people want to know what I am doing since I have graduated. Honestly I rather not talk to people about what I want to do; Or what I wanted to do. Peoples reactions and comments sometimes throw me for a loop.
I know it is horrible that I really cannot keep in touch with my close friends I recently graduated with. I find myself keeping a distance, and not returning phone calls or text messages because I feel as if we do not have anything in common anymore. I am going to be honest this ISH is tough. My dad keeps saying " stop looking at everyone else, and comparing yourself to everyone else." It is kind of hard, sometime you have to take a look around you and see where people are going, and where are you going. I am a driven person, with a determined spirit; but I feel broken, sometimes when people get to this point they make "stupid" decisions, and never think things through.
Today I closed a new chapter in my life! I moved all of my belongings out of my apartment. My lease was up, but this was my very first apartment; it was a bitter sweet moment for me. but as I walked out of the apartment for the last time I felt as if I got rid of baggage that I was holding on to I felt a release. This new chapter is crazy for me as it begins... I am in North Carolina living with an aunt but I am debating if I should go back to Connecticut where I am from where my parents reside. CT is a place where people settle and become content with meritocracy. I am not content with going back there!!!!! I am not ready to live under my parents roof again; I love my mom and dad a lot but I am not ready for that.... Leaving CT was the best thing I did; I went to an HBCU, and accomplished every goal I had, and every dream. I let go of my past and lived my life, without regret. I know I say I do not want to go back to CT, and I am sure you are reading this, and saying "don't go back," but I do not want to stay with my aunt too long where I feel like a burden. I do not want to go out on a limb and sign a lease for an apartment that I cannot afford.
So I wonder am I allowing this small stepping stone ( Situation) to destroy me??? Is it that deep? Or am I making it more than what it is? Is my ego playing a role because I do not want "any" job?
Sorry if this post is all over the place, my mind is scattered, I would love to hear people's opinions and thoughts on this. * I am aware that I am the only one who can make a decision, I am simply asking for one's thoughts and opinions on this situation.
sometimes in life you have to go back and re strategies. There is nothing wrong wit that. wat u re feelin is very normal.When u graduate frm skuul u feel the world is waitin at ur doorstep only to find u still hve to work damn hard just like everybody.Sometimes its even harder when u hear your friends u graduated are doing good elsewhere. It is always important to remind ur self we all hve differnt paths and differnt goals. Life is not just about the award but the road u took to get there.because that road teaches u vital lessons which will be important when u get the success and have to maintain it. Thats what most people forget, it is not just the success but maintainin it. I would say go back home and re strategise but leave as soon as u start feelin to comfortable with it. Don't allow the comfort to sway you from ur focus and u knw wat am still believing in you.
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