Lately I feel like I have been stuck in a box. I want more out of life, I want to do more. I feel stuck, I feel like I cannot do more. I feel like I cannot go farther. I feel like a car stuck in the mud. I have lost all of drive. I cannot tell you where it has gone. In the beginning I felt like I was distracted. Now I feel like I no longer have the drive to do more.
I think I feel like this because I have a fear of being rejected. I try my hardest to surround myself with positive people. However I have a very negative father. My father does not support me or anything I want to do. Deep, I know. The things he thinks of me, and says to me could be heartbreaking to someone. I have learned to deal with it. Allow me to ask this question if someone told you everyday you were a failure and you were shit. Would you believe them? Or would you try your hardest to remove yourself from there negativity? Personally I know I need to remove all negative views, opinions, people out of my life.
The first step for me will be do to remove myself from a negative atmosphere. I must focus on moving out of my parents house, getting into law school, and focusing on my focus. I am going to set some goals for myself for the next coming months. I need a real beach vacation. I need to go back to Miami. I need to remove myself from the outside world, and put some things in perspective. I need to do better. They say the first step is admitting there are issues. I am admitting I need to pull myself together. I am now addicted to chocolate. Chocolate is filling a void I have in my life. Chocolate makes me happy.
Tomorrow is going to be a new day for me. I want to start everything over, a clean slate. I am not going to hold any grudges. I am going to start blogging on a regular, and I am going to try my hardest to get back on track.
* Please forgive me, I know this post is all over the place. I normally do not write like this, but I am venting. And I have to blog this bull shit out.
