Dreams

I remember Ashanti had this song on her first self titled album called "dream" and the chrous went "dreams are real, all you have to do is just believe." I wonder how many people have dreams and have never achieved anything they wanted. What is a dream? What is a goal? How do you achieve what you want to do?

I am a firm believer that in life you can do anything that you put your mind to, and the only thing that can hold you back is you. I have met so many people who have expressed there goals, and have stated there are things they want to do in life. When I ask them what steps they are actively taking to achieve those goals they have no answer. Why do people allow there dreams to become deferred? Does fear take over ones mind? We as a society become so complacent and accepting for whatever is currently taking place in our lives. We then get mad at others around us, who have positive things going for them.

I am a pusher.. If I care about someone and I believe in there passion, I am going to push them to become successful. Do what you believe in. Make yourself happy. You only get one shot at life. Why not make it worth your while. Sometimes, we have to remove ourselves from everyone, and everything. When removing yourself from the world for a day or so, you come back and feel refreshed. The purpose of removing yourself is to do some soul searching. Spend some time with yourself get to know yourself a little better. Think about where you currently are, where you want to be, and how you are going to get there. This should be done in all aspects of life. It may sound weird, but soul searching is important. Sometimes you think you know yourself, but you really don't until you spend time by yourself with yourself.

Every goal I wanted to accomplish during my undergraduate years I accomplished it. I am a believer in vision boards, and looking at your vision everyday. When you see your vision everyday you are more likely to succeed, and do what you vision yourself doing. I thank everyone who has /is supporting me in my goals. Since, you are supporting me I will do what I have set out to do. Our conversations have helped, and I will not let you all down. Thank You sooo much for being in my corner. Trust me, when I get there I will put you all on. I cannot do this by myself.

*FIn

Playing House

Why are we so against couples living together? What is wrong with a boyfriend and girlfriend choosing to live together, even if they are not married? They say you never really know a person until you live with them. So why is living with someone before marriage so wrong?

I've heard people say that it is not good to live with your significant other before marriage because you will be giving that man "wifey" benefits, and you guys are not married. What would make that man want to marry you, when nothing is going to change but a title? So if you two are already playing house, what should come next?

Suppose you play house, and you two do not workout? What happens? How do you move on? As a society why are people so against a couple moving in together? What are the procedures for moving in with your significant other? Do you have to ask the father? What if you move in with someone and realize they are not who you thought they were? Do you move out, or do you try to make it work? Ultimately what do you get out of playing house? What do you gain, and what do you lose? If in the event that relationship doesn't workout what happens in your next relationship?

Marriage

Prepping for my Sorority Sisters weddings.. I am uber excited, and I cannot wait for these chicas to get married. One of my girls who happens to be the "Maid of Honor" actually does not like the man my Sorority sister is about to spend the rest of her life with. So this conversation I said to my Sorority Sister, that does not matter you are not marrying the man. She agreed, however this conversation made me wonder how many people have stopped talking, or dating someone because there best friend or someone did/ or does not like that person? Have people really cut people off because of someone not liking the person you are dating? How many people would be un-happy, and lonely in life, if they were always worried about what someone else thought about there "significant other?" Personally I do not need someone else's approval to help me determine who I like, or who I want to date. I never ask my friends the questions like "is he cute? What did you think? As a matter of fact I hate when people ask me those questions.

Be happy with the skin your in.. Enjoy whoever you have in life, some people are bitter, some people are jealous because they want what you have.

*FIN.

Writers Block

Damn, I am in the process of trying to write a story. The words are not flowing right tonight, I am kind of disappointed in myself. I guess I have a lot of things on my mind. I have a lot of things going on that are unanswered questions. I am working on a long-term project as well as trying to make my next move my best move. I am looking at my life, and my goals and where I want to be in the next year and a half. I am trying to make sure that I have all of ducks aligned properly. I am going to try and post this same story that I started several times tomorrow...

Quick Quote

You must be unintimidated by your own thoughts because if you write with someone looking over you shoulder, you’ll never write.

Nikki Giovanni

When it hurts so bad

I had my mind up, I was not going to New York to visit anyone. It was my senior year of college. I was doing me, and enjoying my life! my ex wanted me to fly to New York for the weekend. He kept saying it was urgent, and "we" needed to talk about some things! Needless to say he bought a plane ticket for me to fly up on Friday night, and fly out on Sunday. He text, and called me everyday until I told him I was going to come. I gave in, shit all of the phone calls and text messages were getting on my nerves. We were officially done, but we semi kept in touch. I still harbored feelings for him.
I played with the situation in my head days before I left North Carolina. What did "we" have to talk about that was so important. I was going to NY, in the middle of mid-terms, however I did need a little break from the South. This didn't sound like such a bad idea to get away. But still he was an ex boyfriend! At this point in my life we still had minimal contact. I still had feelings for him, but I was never in LOVE! We were friends, I packed everything I could think of, and had a hair appointment on Thursday "I always have to look fly going to NY." You know you have to make sure your ex knows what he is missing! (everyone has tried to be fly when seeing an ex) Everything was packed, I was ready to go! My roommate brought me to the airport, we are sitting in the car ridding, all of a sudden my roommate looks at me and says " yo are you sure you want to go visit him.?" I look at her and I say yes! What is the worse that can happen? She ignores me, as I get out the car she looks at me and says I have a bad feeling about you going to NY.

Bad feeling... I am thinking the worse! I hate when people give you their thoughts and opinions on something that you are already second guessing. I check in, and slowly walk to my gate. I send him a text that says " at the airport." I pull out my crossword puzzle book, and wait for my flight to get called. I never got a response text to the text I sent him. I think that's weird. OK whatever! Hop on the plane and take an hour and a half nap!
I land in the concrete jungle, and I grab my luggage.. I call to find out where the he is! He says "I'm on my way, calm down." Cool... twenty minutes later, he shows up at the airport. I am beyond hungry, and all I can think of is the food I am going to eat in NY. He asks me what I want to eat, I say Italian. He is like cool.. We go to Harlem, I take my shower prep for the evening and we are off.. I get dressed, and we go to this Italian restaurant. ( I don't remember the name) We sit down to eat, I order some wine, he orders some hard liquor. I begin to drink, we talk... Damn I feel like there is something about his personality that I miss. it makes me question myself, "Do I want that old thing back." The conversation is going great. I ask, "what was sooo important that you had to see me? He says I wanted to see your pretty face. (awkward silence)

He says no I have to tell you something; and I wouldn't feel right if I didn't do this face to face." He looks up, he gives me this look. Nooooo, I know this look, but I don't know this look. This is the nervous look. He reaches across the table and places his hand on mine. I give him my hands to hold! he looks me dead in my eyes, he stares and takes a deep breath! I look into his face, he has my attention.. He starts off with these lines I will never forget. " I do not care about what anyone thinks, but I give a fuck about your opinion." He breaks the news, I pull my hands back, I put them on the table, I am fighting tears, I try my hardest not to cry. At that moment I let go, and I learned about life, and the heart aches, and heart breaks.

*Fin*

_ Ill never tell you all what he told me, It honestly is not that serious, but that day, and that very moment I learned that everyone cannot be trusted. I was gullible, I have learned and grown so much in my life. That day hurt so bad, but without that bump/bruise I wouldn't be who I am today.

The Struggle

Why can't we accept things for what they are? Why do people always sugar coat the truth. Is it because we do not want to hurt peoples feelings? If someone is wrong, or if something is wrong we should vocalize it. Life is so much better when people are honest and truthful. We as a society or people but band aids over everything. If something happens we just try and patch it up and keep it moving. We live on the forget about it system. Aren't we all tired of just patching things up and not really working on things? If situations do not work let it go! Why should we as people waste our time on things. We can never get a minute wasted back, so if we cant get the minute wasted back, why even bother wasting it? I guess we all have to live and learn. When we wait on things, we miss out on endless opportunities. Sometimes a missed opportunity we can never get back. Then we spend our lives wondering what our lives would have been like if we seized the opportunity that was before us. Remember we only get "ONE" life to live. Don't dwell on what you cannot control, but remember everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the reason of why something happened will never be revealed to us. Life your life based on you, and no one else.

* Fin*

The purpose of this quick rant was because I found myself drifting this week and thinking about some decisions, I did not make. My life has a path, and so does yours. However, I cannot sit here and dwell on opportunities I did not take advantage of. I often wonder what life would have been like if I stayed in N.C? Or what if I did apply to the grad program at NYU. Its water under the bridge. I now have new opportunities to take advantage of. Live your life for you, because no one is else doing it.